No, I don’t watch porn

17 Nov

Not that I have anything against it, but I don’t watch porn. Especially if it’s not done well, grainy sex on a tarnished screen falls flat when you’re used to Technicolor taboos writhing against the backdrop of your imagination.

Truth be told, I don’t write porn either. I write erotic romance–relationship-driven stories with a healthy dollop of steam. They have richly-layered, character-driven plots that make the moments of coital bliss all the more potent.

Porn and well-written erotica have a place in film and literature, but I prefer to get to know my partner–on the page and in person–before I get intimate. Sex, without the potential for personal or relationship growth resonates about as much with me as the chicka-bow-wow soundtrack of a seventies skin flick–which is to say, not much. This is obviously not everyone’s experience. Nor do I desire to make it so. It’s simply mine.

I’ve read some of the hottest books with the most graphic sex, and wouldn’t classify them as porn. Kele Moon’s Beyond Eden and Kathleen Dante’s Dreamwalker come to mind. Both stories made me writhe as I read them, but not because the sex was well written–which it was–but because these authors made me care about their characters and their plight. These were real people to me, not cardboard cutouts looking to come and go, if you know what I mean.

Why am I bringing this up at all?

Well, it has been on my mind since a co-worker discovered my blog and helpfully offered his favorite video porn sites as inspiration for my work. (It was a respectful conversation. Don’t worry!) When I told him I don’t watch porn, he wanted to know how I write what I write. Well, I told him, “I use my imagination…and I write steamy romance, not porn.”

He’d never read my work, so it’s an understandable interpretation given the covers gracing my novels, No Apologies and Sheet Music. Later, he remarked, “Must be a woman thing. Men want the visual.”

I’ve never felt the difference between the sexes more keenly than in that moment.

There is a place for sex as just sex. In my books and in life. I’ll never tell you the stuff I write doesn’t turn me on. I can’t lie that well. The sex isn’t the point–it’s the whipped topping. Dessert, after a good meal, is usually more satisfying. Sometimes though? Even I eat the cake first…and love every bite.

5 Responses to “No, I don’t watch porn”

  1. MichelleKCanada (@AnotherLookBook) November 17, 2011 at 7:24 am #

    I agree that some people have a hard time understanding that erotic or steamy books are not porn. There is such a difference.

  2. Nara November 17, 2011 at 10:55 am #

    I agree too. Male readers have mentioned to me that they like erotic romance because they enjoy more story with the hot sex.

  3. Heather November 17, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

    Really good erotic books can turn me on, even so much that I have to have a lil’ fun after putting the book down. No, I wouldn’t call it porn but I can see how alot of people would. Men needs a visual, no thinking, just seeing and feeling. Women fantasize therefore enjoying reading while picturing the scene in our head making it so much better 😉

    • Tibby Armstrong November 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

      There’s definitely a distinction between well-written erotica and porn, especially regarding the level of artistic merit. I should have made the distinction that these two forms differ from ero-rom, however, in that they focus to a greater degree on the physical and not as much on the relationship development.

      Thank you for a thought provoking discussion!
      Tibby

  4. Paul (@princejvstin) November 18, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    The sex isn’t the point–it’s the whipped topping. Dessert, after a good meal, is usually more satisfying.

    Absolutely!

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