Ahh the joys of the birds and the bees discussions

21 Oct

Having grown up with a mother who was public health nurse, I’ve always been really comfortable talking about sex. My mom always went on the knowledge is power philosophy, you know  if I understood what blue balls were then I wouldn’t be sucked into all the lines my highschool boyfriend would have about not leaving him like that,*snort* and poor sucker, all those talks from mom helped. LOL  So when I had kids I kind of adopted the same philosophy as my mom. My husband and I agreed I would handle those discussions so he didn’t have to, you know how dad’s are with their daughter’s, they’ll be lucky to date when they are 50. So when my kids ask I answer as honestly as I can in an age appropriate way and we aren’t at the blue balls discussions yet or at least  I thought we weren’t. OY

In our school district starting in 5th grade you get family life education. So usually it’s some pretty basic stuff on the differences between boys and girls, periods and all that fun stuff. Now I’m not sure what the people who made the little booklet they hand out were thinking or if they just didn’t notice, but I gotta say putting the picture of the penis flaccid and erect on the page that is in the center of the booklet, not the best idea. Every time that booklet gets opened it automatically wants to fall open to that middle page. There is just no escaping that picture which of course sends kids into fits of giggles and of course the questions start falling.

Now there is a reason they don’t teach family life to primary aged kids. LOL My daughters walk in the house after school and the first thing out of my youngest child’s mouth was, “Mom did you know that it gets hard?”

Mentally trying to catch up I kind of blink at her. “Did I know what gets hard?”

“A boy’s penis.”

Oh boy. “Umm, yeah I did.”

“You did?” Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

“Yep, I did.”

She grabs this little booklet from her sister, who had obviously been doing her duty as big sister and sharing her knowledge of the way home from school, and immediately whips it open to the middle page and wrinkles her nose as she shows it to me. ” Look at that. Gross. I’m glad I’m not a boy,” she said and shudders dramatically.

That was kind of the end of the penis discussion. Or was it?

But of course this whole family life thing is on my kids’ brains for the rest of the day, so that evening my youngest is sitting on the couch reading through her sister’s booklet and we are discussing her questions as they arise in less detail than what her older sister got. My primary aged daughter is firing questions at me as she reads, she accidentally dropped the booklet and picked it up and yes you guessed it the thing opened to that page, AGAIN, so then all of a sudden she turns to my husband and says, “Dad, did you ever have wet dreams when you were younger?”

My hubby’s jaw dropped,  and I kind of sputtered and laughed in shock. Wet dreams? where the hell did that come from? we were just talking about periods. Now my hubby usually avoids all these types of conversations saying ask mom since she knows that subject better than I do. But yeah this one my daughter knew I wasn’t the person to ask.  My hubby just sort of stares blankly at our youngest daughter, then she continues and says, “it says right here in the book that all boys do.”

Hubby kind of coughs and says, “well then I guess that’s your answer.”

Of course I’m still laughing because my husband is absolutely mortified, which just makes it funnier. The wet dream question was sooooo much different than the what does your period feel like questions I was getting. LOL I blame the booklet and that damn middle page popping open. *grin*

I know I’m not alone here in the crazy things that come out of my kids mouths, so hit me with some of yours.

One Response to “Ahh the joys of the birds and the bees discussions”

  1. desiree (@desitheblonde) October 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    you want to hear something funny i was about 11 and i new sooner or later i would
    start my period and the i started bleed and my dad and my uncle were in the house
    doing repairs. Well i came out of my bedroom i started screaming and then my sister
    fainted at the sight of blood well gram and my aunt came over and told me what to do and try to get my sister up it was funny as hell and then my sister is still afraid of blood and faints and she was in the millatry

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