Not Tonight Dear

21 May

That excuse might work in a movie or a sitcom, but when you write erotic romance, you can’t exactly tell your WIP you have a headache. I know, I’ve tried. I managed to leave two guys in a shower on the edge of inaugural buttsecks for three weeks before I shamed myself into writing the rest.

While the uninitiated think all romance writers do is sit around writing peen, cock, dick, peen, peen, thunderstick of love, peen, it’s much more involved in that. And not just because you might have three or more naked people to contend with. The sex has to be titillating, emotionally satisfying and plausible. Readers will forgive you a poorly executed fight scene, but mangle a sex scene and they will crucify you. I don’t know a single romance writer who doesn’t sweat the sex.

Sure the sexy bits are fun, but they are the devil to write, and you have to do it even when the world’s least sexiest moments are happening around you. Lint fire in the dryer? That’s too bad, because you left the hero wearing the heroine’s thighs as earmuffs and you gotta finish what you started. Did the sewer back up? Dog projectile vomit? Everyone in the house come down with an ebola/SARS combo and you’re playing Nursemaid? Tough. You’ve got your emotionally closed hero tied to the bed and only you can write what happens next when he decides to take his bromance to the next level.

I don’t have any pointers or even a process for this. Right now I’m using the Just Push Through the Hard Parts (and yes, I *did* say Push Through the Hard Parts in a sex post) method. It’s slow going, but it’s what I’ve got. Though I’m open to any and all suggestions.

Oh and peen, peen, wonder wand, peen


5 Responses to “Not Tonight Dear”

  1. Mary Preston May 21, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    I’m still laughing. This is the funniest post I have read in a while. I hope you take that as a compliment because it truly is meant as such. Good luck with the NOUNS.

  2. Marilyn Campbell May 21, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    Ditto Sasha! And believe me it gets harder the more I have to rely on memory πŸ™‚

  3. Nara Malone May 21, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

    Lol, Sasha. Unfortunately I’ve had some of these same experiences…dog vomit being freshest in my mind.

    You can borrow my props and avatars at Secomdlife if you need some inspiration. Watch out for the sex desk and if you lock yourself in the dungeon, you may be there until next month–I got one more deadline to beat.

  4. KJ Reed May 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    I see you took my advice and wrote about peen… Well, sort of anyway.

    Nicely done. πŸ™‚

  5. Lauren Fraser May 21, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

    LOL oh it happens to the best of us. It’s definitely hard to get my head around writing a sex scene when my kids are fighting in the background. LOL

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