Madam Natalie – Q & A

28 Jan

Disclaimer: If you’re not 18, get outta here. Sorry, my pets, but the law is what it is, and while I like to push society’s boundaries, this is not one of them.

Here we are already at the end of the first month of the New Year. I hope some of you have taken me up on my challenge to make your sex life a little more exciting this year.

Well since it’s  Friday again,  it’s time for another Q&A with Madam Natalie, the column where nothing is off limits.This week’s question comes from a woman in Florida.

Q:I’m drawn to the idea of  BDSM  but I don’t even know where to start. How do I know if it’s right for my husband and I?

A: Oh honey, this question is right up my alley as you know.  Well first off I guess we should maybe discuss  what exactly  BDSM is. For those of you who don’t know, BDSM encompasses Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. The wonderful thing about BDSM is that there is a HUGE range in what people like, everything from light biting and spanking all the way up to the more hardcore things you have probably heard people whispering about. *grin*

BDSM is all about sensory exploration in your erotic play. Now clearly since you are thinking you would like to delve into this area you must have certain things that intrigue you. Does the idea of your partner restraining you and teasing your body arouse you? Or maybe you like the idea of being spanked?Or maybe you see yourself in the Dominant role.

Whatever it is, it’s really important to clearly communicate with your partner exactly what it is you want. Your partner is not a mind reader. They don’t know what you are looking for and what your limits are if you don’t clearly communicate that to them. I can’t stress this enough. Communication is key to a successful exchange, that and consent.  Before you even begin, you need to openly discuss what you are looking for, what your limits and boundaries are and what you want to get out of the experience.  And just because you said you were interested in trying something doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind or re-negotiate if the experience doesn’t turn out to be what you were expecting.

Like I said it’s all about consent.

Before you begin you are going to want to have a frank discussion with your partner about what exactly it is that you find appealing, and start slow. Just because this is something you find arousing that doesn’t mean it’s something your partner has thought about. Make a list of what turns you on, things you would like to try with your partner. 

Remember safety is  key. Take the time to educate yourself.

Start small, your fantasies might be really detailed but that doesn’t mean you have to start with the whole thing. Pick one aspect about your fantasy and try that first, you can add in other details the next time and gradually work up to the full deal.

Now I’m not going to lie, since this is all new to you and your partner it may not run quite  as smoothly as you had imagined the first time out.  Laugh, relax and enjoy, just have fun and if you need to stop and re-evaluate then do so. Don’t force it to happen, you can always tweak things and try again.

And as always, if you have any questions you’d like to ask me, don’t be shy. Just fire me an email at and I will be sure to answer them. Nothing is off limits with me–except maybe politics and religion–so feel free to ask away.

Until next week,

~Madam Natalie

p.s Don’t forget to comment to get your name in the next drawing for a Madam Natalie essential. To be drawn quarterly.

2 Responses to “Madam Natalie – Q & A”

  1. Jody January 28, 2011 at 10:43 pm #

    Enjoyed the post. It’s funny you said it might not go well at first. The first time my partner and I mixed things up I laughed my ass off. LOL thank god it got better.

  2. JoAnna B February 1, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    Good advice! I’ve been thinking I would like to try some BDSM.

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