Ask Madam Natalie – Q & A

22 Oct

Disclaimer: If you’re not 18, get outta here. Sorry, my pets, but the law is what it is, and while I like to push society’s boundaries, this is not one of them.

Well it’s Friday again, and as promised, it’s time for another Q&A with Madam Natalie, the column where nothing is off limits. And to prove it, today I’m going to answer a question that pushes the envelope a little. So, my pets, sit back, get comfy, but whatever you do, don’t forget the lube.

Q: My boyfriend wants me to have anal sex with him but I’m nervous because I’ve heard it can hurt. Does it? and is there anything we can do to make the first time better?

A: I’ve always believed honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to this kind of thing, so I’m not going to lie to you, my pets. Yes, it can hurt. (You noticed I said can, right?) Anal sex can be painful if  your lover doesn’t properly prepare. There’s quite of few techniques to minimize any discomfort you (as the receiver) might have.

Like with anything, there’s a bit of a learning curve involved in figuring out what really works for you and what doesn’t, so  just be prepared for some discomfort as your partner discovers the secrets of your body. This is virgin territory all over again, and just like your first time with vaginal intercourse, the area needs  to be properly prepped.

What you absolutely don’t want is him just ramming his cock up your ass and pounding the shit out of you. No, no, one million times no. He needs to take his time, get you so hot and bothered you are ready for anything, at which point it should be a fairly enjoyable experience for both of you.

If you’re nervous about anal play, which most are, it’s important you and your partner slowly work up to the actual event itself. This can be done in an evening or over the course of several nights. Most importantly, don’t let your partner rush you. If you aren’t ready, I guarantee you your first time will be painful. You’ll be scared and you’ll tense up, and when your lover tries to penetrate you, it’s gonna–parden the pun–be a pain in the ass. Of course there are those of you who might really enjoy the pain,  but we’ll leave that discussion for another day.

For starters, I recommend getting a good lube and using lots of it. Have your partner lube up his finger and just tease around the opening–without actual penetration–and see how that feels. In my experience, the best time to start anal play for a woman who’s incredibly nervous is during oral sex. Hell, if he’s so inclined, he can use his mouth on your ass too; rimming is popular for a reason. If the giver is stimulating his partner well, getting her all hot and bothered, she’ll most likely be relaxed, engaged and begging for orgasm.

Just like great oral sex, teasing is fun and essential.

Or if you enjoy it when your partner takes you from behind, maybe he could add some anal stimulation into the pounding mix while having sex just to ease you into the idea. He should be able to read your body’s queues, if you are enjoying the exterior play maybe he slides the tip of his finger in a bit and you see how that feels. If you’re okay with that, he can add a little more lube and keep going, little by little. If he’s gentle and well lubricated, you shouldn’t feel a great deal of discomfort…more of a full feeling, different but not horrible.

If you and your partner enjoy toys, you might want to look into purchasing something like an anal kit, which has different sized anal toys. Are they necessary? Absolutely not. But a lot of people like to use them, and I personally know several women who used them on themselves while masturbating to get used to the idea. That way, they go at their own pace without worrying about anyone else.

When you’re ready for his cock, you take the lead. Position him at the entrance and relax. Have your partner push in slightly and then pull back, repeating these baby thrusts until he is fully seated inside. It’s very important your lover takes his time. If he really wants anal sex more than once, it’s in his best interest to slow down and help you enjoy the experience. This is your show. You get to call the shots. Communication, first and foremost, is an essential key to having a pleasant experience with anal sex. Talk with your partner before hand and set some ground rules. Here’s something that should be #1 on that list…

If at any point you decide you want him to stop he needs to stop and respect your decision.

Whether you use condoms regularly or not, you may want to add them to your escapes tonight. Overall cleanup is considerably easier and it may make the woman feel more comfortable with the process. **Huge note here, do not go from the backdoor to the front without cleaning up in between. I cannot stress that enough.**

Anal play is unlike anything else. It fires nerve endings to life that you never knew existed. Even if anal intercourse is not for you, adding a little exterior anal play to you repertoire can certainly enhance your sex life.

And as always, if you have any questions you’d like to ask me, don’t be shy. Just fire me an email at and I will be sure to answer them. Nothing is off limits with me–except maybe politics–so always feel free to ask away.

Until next week,

~Madam Natalie

p.s. Don’t forget to post a comment about your sexual escapes and you’ll be entered to win a Madam Natalie Sex Essential (to be given away quarterly). More details to come…

6 Responses to “Ask Madam Natalie – Q & A”

  1. Bond October 22, 2010 at 9:11 pm #

    Well done, cherie. If I may suggest, you should get a twitter account so your fans can tweet you questions. I know I would follow you!

  2. Grace Bradley October 22, 2010 at 10:38 pm #

    I’d follow as well!

  3. Brandi Evans October 22, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

    You so know I would!

  4. Lauren Fraser October 23, 2010 at 3:51 am #

    Yep count me in too

  5. Marilyn Campbell October 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    Thank you Madame Natalie, for going where so few venture to go…and you do it with such sophistication too!


  1. Ask Madam Natalie – Sex Q&A « - January 14, 2011

    […] want. There are plenty of things you can do to help ease her into into. Have you read my previous post on anal sex? If not, you might want to start there because I cover the topic in some […]

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