Cook Naked: Oeufs Brouilles

21 Oct

Scrambled eggs
Ouefs Brouilles by Adactio on Flickr photo sharing

Bond: So, you are asking yourself, what is this Ouefs Brouilles? It is a sexy name for the food of lovers. This dish is the number one choice to fix for a lover late at night after you’ve both worked up an appetite. Or first thing in the morning to restore her strength for round two — or three, or four, depending on how early your evening began.

The direct translation would be agitated eggs, which I prefer over the American name, scrambled eggs. Scrambled is not sexy, mes amis. Neither is what most people do to this dish when they attempt to make it. Today I have Kaily Hart with me to help me show you how to make Ouufs Brouilles that will give your lover a new appreciation of eggs and you. Kaily tell us about your erotic novel, Pay Up, and how your heoine uses eggs to give love to her man.

Kaily: ‘Food for lovers’. I like that. And I like to be agitated—in the right way, of course ;).

Bond: Mmm. I like to agitate. *Wiggles Eyebrows* This is sexier than being scrambled, non?

Kaily: Um….Let’s get back on track here.

Master Bond, you ah know I don’t really cook, right? I mean if I had to rely on anything I actually made in a kitchen to give a lover a new appreciation for me? Well, let’s just say I’m glad I have other…talents. Luckily, my heroine Carly from PAY UP has no such problem. She’s wanted Rio, her sexy firefighter from next door, forever. When he turns up exhausted and injured from doing what he does best (being a hero), well, her protective instincts went on full alert. She needed to whip up something fast, tasty and nutritious. She just wanted to feed him and take care of him. And ‘taking care of him’ really did have an innocent intention. At first.

Bond: Don’t worry, Kaily. You don’t have to be a French chef, or even much of a cook, to make a nice meal that will nourish your lover body and soul. I show you. You try this on your husband, feed him Oeufs Brouilles in bed. See how quick he gets down to the agitating part of the plan.

The essential ingredients are eggs and milk (un petit peu–just a little). The additions can be your choice. The secret here, as in love, is the application of heat.Too much, too fast, and you get scorched or dry results. We must move slowly to retain and build that moist, creamy quality.

Now the French like to do this by cooking the eggs in a metal bowl placed over a pot of boiling water(au bain marie), but you can accomplish this mouthwatering, creamy result with just a skillet and butter. Kaily, you prepare the skillet and I’ll prepare the eggs.

Kaily: By prepare, you mean…what exactly? I really am a novice here ::batts eyelashes, although not very skillfully:: I wouldn’t want to get…dry results.

Bond: No worries, Kaily, I will make sure nothing gets dry. 😉 You melt the butter in the skillet, cherie. That look you give me will melt any man, but for the eggs we should perhaps turn on the burner.

Kaily: Oh, you mean over the heat? Of course, if we start a fire, I could always have Rio stop by with his…hose.

Bond: As I recall, he is a master of putting out a variety of fires. However, in the kitchen the only thing I want on fire is…never mind…we get off track again. *Mops forehead with towel.* Now, we break three large eggs into a bowl. You want to use a balloon style wire whip on the eggs, whip fast to bring the air into the mixture.

Kaily: Okay, I like fast. I can do fast. You know, the first time Carly and Rio were together, it was like that. Fast, furious and intense and over way too soon, probably for both of them. There’s something to be said for quick, but sometimes slow is sooo much better.

Bond: Mmm.

Now, Kaily, turn the flame back to low — this is the secret, to cooking and making love. You start with flame high and then you back off, draw out the slow rise of temperature, let the heat radiate throughout. I’ll pour in the eggs and you stir the mixture with the spatula. You should like this part. You’re good at stirring things up.

Kaily: Like this? Am I doing it right? The motion constant and even you said? Oh crap, it’s getting lumpy. Is that supposed to happen?

Bond:This is fine. The eggs are firming up. Firm is good, but turn off the flame while the eggs are still moist. Dominate your creation. There, that’s good. Keep stirring. *Moves behind Kaily and guides her hands.*

Kaily:This…ah cooking stuff can get complicated. You know, it’s hard to concentrate on more than one thing at once. I prefer to just…not really have to think too much at all, or for someone else to do all the work ::tries the blinking thing again::

Bond: We’ll do this together, yes? Solo is no fun. We add our splash of milk to give us that creamy texture. I have pre-warmed ham bits here, just like Carly used in Pay Up. That’s the way, keep stirring. We toss in a couple handfuls of grated cheese and voila tout, everything is perfectly agitated and ready to be consumed.

And now, mes amis, I suggest grab a copy of Pay Up to see how Rio handles Carly and that fire hose.

You can get a copy of Pay Up here.

You can learn more about Kaily Hart at her blog.

Master Bond is a character from Nara Malone’s novel, The Dungeon Gourmet

You can learn more about Nara at her blog.

12 Responses to “Cook Naked: Oeufs Brouilles”

  1. Kaily Hart October 21, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Master Bond, my foray into the mysterious and unknown world of culinary preparation actually wasn’t so bad after all. Thanks for being so patient and gentle. Mmmm, I might just have a story idea in there somewhere. And I don’t know. Sometimes solo has its merits…

  2. Bond October 21, 2010 at 5:19 pm #

    Anytime, cherie. You come back soon, we find something new to agitate together. As for solo…I rather have at least one partner, but menage is the best. 🙂

  3. RC October 21, 2010 at 9:15 pm #

    Wow! I’ll never call them scrambled eggs again.
    Thank you both for a delicious culinary lesson.

    • Bond October 22, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

      Wicked smile. I love fast learners.

  4. Kaily Hart October 22, 2010 at 2:44 am #

    Hey RC, glad we managed to expand your horizons! 😉

  5. Lauren Fraser October 22, 2010 at 4:01 am #

    Ouefs Brouilles is so much sexier sounding than scrambled eggs. Somehow when you throw in a different language or an accent it just works. LOL I enjoyed the cooking lesson as always.

    • Bond October 22, 2010 at 10:45 pm #

      Merci, Lauren. I love your accent too.

  6. Fedora October 22, 2010 at 5:19 am #

    Sounds pretty yummy, Kaily and Master Bond!

    • Bond October 22, 2010 at 10:46 pm #

      Bonjour, Fedora. Nice to have you join us again.

  7. Kaily Hart October 22, 2010 at 1:12 pm #

    Lauren, I agree. I think everything sounds more sexy and mysterious spoken with an accent. That was especially true when I visited France. Oh boy! Everyone sounded sexy over there…

    Fedora, I’m thinking ‘yummy’ should become a widely accepted technical term when discussing heroes!

  8. Rula Sinara October 22, 2010 at 2:39 pm #

    Ah, Kaily. Now you can’t say that you can’t cook. What a better way to learn ;).

    • Bond October 22, 2010 at 10:47 pm #

      Welcome, Rula. Perhaps you will join me for a lesson sometime.

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